Well it has been ONE hell of a long time folks. I didn’t stop working out just haven’t been blogging about it. Kind of got in a rut for a while and gained some weight etc etc you all know the same bullshit story. Well on Feb 11th of this year I had to go get Umbilical Hernia surgery. In the end this was a well needed break as I was getting burned out. However it is a totally fucked up way to take a break because Hernia surgery SUUUUUUUUCKED. AND let me clarify Ole One More was the damn reason for said Hernia. It took me all of the damn 8 weeks to recover. WELL guess what happened when I did ultimately get healed……COVID-19. Yes I was depressed and just fell into a SLUMP and began drinking and eating myself into an abyss.
Over THREE months of NOTHING but I am now Back at it with a new found readiness to succeed again. Ole One More is still with me and let me just say Fuck Him. So we did some work at his house as a preliminary to getting back to work 5 days a week. It sucked the life out of me as I was so out of fucking shape that I felt like my whole last 2.5 years were for naught. Then the gym opened back up and it was time to get to work.
First week was based on weight training to supposedly “wake up” the muscles that I had created, only to watch shrivel away like a rotten ass vegetable pulled from its vine and left on a shelf to die a slow and stinky ass death. We added some tread mill cardio in at the end of each workout to get my lungs inflating and heart rate up.
This week, because that fucker knows only ONE fucking speed WIDE ASS OPEN, decided to do MAX out on EVERYTHING to see what strength I had lost. TWENTY fucking pounds off my damn bench press which was one of my strongest. My shoulders couldn’t carry the weight of a fucking butterfly much less any kind of world, and it was just ALL down hill from there.
FUCKING LEG DAY arrived yesterday and the LAVA came flowing back through my appendages only to create a pain in which I forgot existed. Knees were LOCKING up and snapping and popping like a 78 year old man getting up out of a recliner while yelling at the news on the TV. The few in the gym that were there looking at me just SQUINTED trying to understand what the fuck was happening to me, and if I was actually being held there against my will. Seems kidnapping and forcing motherfuckers to inflict pain upon themselves is not only looked down upon but actually illegal in some states.
SO today I go in all fired up (because I am watching the Jordan’s The Last Dance) and ready to pump the rest of my appendages full of molting LAVA and the little bastard decides to throw a fucking Knuckle ball at my ass. Standing by the training room (not weight room) he declares it’s CIRCUIT DAY. I mean WHO THE FUCK DOES A CIRCUIT DAY AFTER MOLTING LAVA LEG DAY????????????????/ No one does except this little sawed off fucker. I mean NO ONE because, they understand after MONTHS of doing nothing it is likely you are struggling to get off the fucking toilet and stand and walk much less run some kind of bullshit circuit.
Battle Rope first. If you ever read my blog before you understand fully my disdain for that fucking rope that was pulled off the damn USS Wilmington after it was used to toe that battleship in from the sea likely during a damn hurricane. 3 sets of however much time it was. I am sure his non able to count ass will tell you 10 seconds or some shit, but I watched a sitcom in my head during this excruciating event.
NEXT??? yea I have no idea where he came up with this bullshit, but there was a 30 inch rectangular thingy with some kind of warped up rubber ball filled half ass with water or sand or some kind of substance that wasn’t even firm enough to get a descent grip. So I had to pick up said SAD Jello 15lb ballish figure, and throw it over said rectangular thingy. Then step up and over the 30 inch rectangular thingy to retrieve this bullshit ball only to turn around and do it again. Keep in mind I have rubber band legs with popping and snapping 78 year old recliner joints.
NEXT Kettle Bell Swings. Fairly straight forward except for the squatting position I had to stay in.
NEXT??? Some shit he called push up position plate jumps. I had to fucking spread my legs out on each side of a 45 lb plate, hop up and close my legs to where they are touching together and land toes on the plate, then hop the fuck up again to spread them on the outside of the place OVER AND OVER AND OVER again until he says stop. Meanwhile my shirt is crawling up my body exposing all the fat I have gained but worse, gathering around my face and suffocating me because it is difficult to breath through a sweat drenched cotton shirt. SO I am burning what little few fibers I have left in my legs while asphyxiating in my own shirt while hearing ‘COME ON JUST 20 MORE SECONDS’ for what felt like 7 min.
Three sets of this. Needless to say I quit even thinking about Jordan’s old ass probably drinking a drink on the beach somewhere smoking a cigar while my 50 year old ass is trying to ‘be like mike’. But it ended, and I survived and I will be back tomorrow same bat time same bat channel to get punished like the teenager who took the car without a license and flipped it before getting out of the neighborhood with two friends not wearing their seatbelts does.
Supplements arrived today and I am pumped to begin this fat burning system along with it. Give me a couple of months and I will be back. I will share my 3 week weight lifting results to see how far I have come. Keep on Keeping on people and remember JUST SHOW UP.