My Journey to Health Days 14, 15, 16

Happy Friday everyone. Or at least that is how Ronnie greets me on Fridays and as you know I quit believing shit he says a while ago. Today marks my SECOND FULL week in a row of this torture (I do however feel better) so lets get to it.

Wednesday: The only thing I can figure is Ronnie had too damn much time on his hands over the weekend or he was still pissed about me eating that Pizza ’cause this was the toughest challenge yet. Ronnie says its going to get tougher. Me: It can’t get any worse than this. Ronnie: HOLD MY BEER!!

I get a room all to myself. WTF?? I can’t decide if people in the gym told Ronnie to get my LOUD, SCREAMING, GRUNTING ASS out of the main room or if Ronnie doesn’t want any fucking witnesses to my murder. He even moved my ol’ buddy the fucking rowing machine in this room. Who the fuck does that? Yea you guessed it Ronnie does. I can tell immediately this is going to suck because of all the different things laying around in the floor and in the middle of all the shit is that fucking ROPE (that he and I are still at odds about) and……..the jump rope (my new most hated instrument of slow torture). I have decided that parents have been doing it all wrong. Fuck a spanking, get them on that jump rope or that other ROPE??. I am looking at Ronnie, as he is handing me his BEER to hold, with a confused terror and he says, ‘Alright here is what we’re going to do’. Yea I thought the same thing, WE?? But I will be damned if I say that shit out loud because he will jump his happy muscle bound ass in there and make me look like a whiny ass child with the flu, so I just shook my head ‘OK’ in confusion. ¬†Well anyway its ONE minute on that fucking rowing machine, then over to the HANGING HOOPS for me to grab, squat my fat ass down and PUUUULLLL UP CHEST OUT for ONE minute. Then to a 25 pound weight that I have to SQUAT, GRAB, LIFT to my chest, PRESS above my head, squat my ass down and TOUCH it to the floor, and……oh yea REPEAT for a minute. Then to a 25lb barbell that I have to SQUAT down and DEAD LIFT with ONE arm, put it down and fucking REPEAT with the second arm for ONE MINUTE! I know one minute doesn’t sound like a long time on each of these but lets not forget Ronnie’s minute and the WORLD consensus of a minute are NOT THE SAME. I think the man forgot I can play drums and can count not to mention there is music playing. If a song begins and ends while you are still doing the same shit I am telling you it is more than a minute.

SO I know you are all like OK? I thought I heard something earlier about that fucking ROPE?? Well it was next on the list and I had to jump over there and grab that fucker and squat (notice all the squats?? Yea me too) and begin FLOPPING. Just so you know the LOUD SCREAMING and GRUUUNTING!!!! began at the barbell DEAD (yea you saw that right, fucking DEAD) lift shit. If my children were in the other room they would be concerned for my well being. Fuck if any of you were in the other room you would be concerned for my well being. Again ONE minute then over to that DAMN JUMP rope for ONE minute. FUCK THAT THING. There is nothing more I have to say about that bitch. Oh its not over yet because Ronnie put that little ass wheel thing out there for me to get on my knees and stretch my body out until I have RIPPED every damn muscle I didn’t know I had in half for ONE MINUTE. Then rest for 30 seconds (which was actually 2 minutes because I could barely talk at this point). Well not to keep you in too much suspense……I had to do it ALL FUCKING OVER AGAIN…..but going back the other way. Here is the Kicker, Ronnie yells out ‘I want you to step it up and shave some time off of it’. Shave some FUCKING time off?? DUDE?? Can you see me?? CAN YOU HEAR THE CURSE WORDS THAT ARE COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH? Well it turns out NO because I am too fucking tired to actually say words so they just come out as GRUNTS and NOISES. Any way I did that shit and shaved a little over 5 seconds off but at the end I think he was concerned I was going to give out on those HOOP things and drop and crack open my skull so “WE” only went for two cycles.

Thursday: NOODLE ARM DAY with a splash of ACID LAVA. Yea it was triceps/biceps day. And I have a case of the small arms people, it is my weakest area. There isn’t much really to report here other than it seems the idea is to burn them out completely. We did one exercise where he looked at me and said ‘your not going to like this’. Really, your fucking kidding? I would have never thought that. I had to do curls until Ronnie said stop (which as you know is when he sees the eyes popping out of your head) and then he took it down a weight to REPEAT until you can’t feel or really even SEE your arms again. Like I said he and Jules are plotting for me to wreck on the way home because I can’t actually steer my car away from on coming traffic.

Friday: Today was a bit of a set back. I had to hold one of those damn SAND balls and step up on four different size blocks then……jump rope (FUCK THAT THING)…. go back to the blocks and then do push ups. Well let me just start with the fact there was a damn day I could actually do a fucking push up. Actually I could do multiple. NOW I can’t even get all the way to the ground and back up. My push ups look kind of like this:


Image result for funny pic of small arms

The set back happen when my Knee nearly gave out. Ronnie didn’t want me to hurt it so we had to shut that exercise down. I was glad of course however he sent me over to that fucker the Rowing machine where he worked me until my lungs literally came flying out of my mouth during one of my terrifying SCREAMS AND GRUNTS. I actually think there are people there in the a.m. just to hear my ass. I made Ronnie help me shove my lungs back down my throat so maybe he will be a little easier on my next time.

In the end this was my second full week going. Ronnie said it was a good week and we are going to ramp up next week (another hold my fucking beer moment). Today I weighed in at 227 so I have lost 10 lbs. That is kind of the cool thing about being a fat ass. If you eat right and work hard you can see some change pretty quick. I know I will not loose at this rate for very long but its at least nice to see that change. I have continued eating well and have stayed the FUCK AWAY from PIZZA since last weekend. Real food people is the start. Cutting Calories is another.

Here are the positives that have come from all this shit. My shirts are fitting better. I am getting more done as I am up and at them early. I feel much better as a whole. I can tell that I can work that fucking rowing machine a little longer than when I started. I am sleeping a little better.

Here are some of the not so positives. I seem to be weaker but I suspect that is muscle fatigue so I am not concerned. Some days I crash hard and am really tired. I may have to adjust my diet a bit and maybe put a few more carbs there. I am a little sore from time to time.

In the end this has been a great experience so far. I HIGHLY recommend it and if you are thinking about it stop thinking and go do it. I am sure this will have nothing but a positive impact on me from here on out. I think this is helping my business as well. I seem to be getting more done and being up this early allows me to get everyone else going sooner and making us more efficient.

Have a great weekend and here is to ANOTHER new beginning. Remember in all that you do it starts with JUST SHOWING UP.

I hope you ALL have a great weekend and I will be back next week.

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