Well Guys another episode of the life and slow death of a fat old man.
Day7: Toughest day Yet. I still don’t really understand what the hell was happening to me. First that old backstabbing asshole bastard the ROWING machine. Ronnie seems to be spending an awful lot of time trying to get us to bond but let’s just say I am resisting. I just don’t like the fucker you know? Not once has it reached out and tried to befriend me so FUCKT IT!
Then off to that thing that Ronnie keeps calling a ROPE. This time squatting while flopping that thing around. If someone walked in there not knowing it was a gym and heard me screaming while working out they would call the damn 911 dispatch and tell them to send every fucking body. It’s my only way to make it though, but I feel for the others in there, as they look at me with looks of amusement, confusement, and sometimes downright despair. You see they seem to think Ronnie is trying to kill me also.
NOW ON TO THE REAL SHIT:
YEP that is EXACTLY what was waiting on me. So I had to flip that big ass tire the length of a room. Then grab a damn bar and dead lift it over my head god knows how many times only to head over to a fucking ball full of sand that I had to squat and throw against a wall and catch. I mean WHAT THE FUCK?? (I had to spell it out because WTF just didn’t seem good enough for this HELL WORKOUT I was in). So you guessed it right back around for another set of this shit over again. This time at the tire when I got to the end he yells ‘ONE MORE’ so I drag out every damn bit of ANGER and STRENGTH from the Depths of HELL and I flipped that bitch and Threw it with AUTHORITY and ANGER and a HELL YEA scream. Man that was liberating as hell. I was feeling like a BAD ASS for a total of….yep, one fucking second, because Ol’ Ronnie says, ‘Ok flip that tire back to the to the other side’. “wait a fucking minute, I thought, Why doesn’t ONE MORE mean ONE MORE in this bitch”? I am not the most brilliant man on the planet but I did get at least a college degree and I know what the definition of ONE means and it sure as hell isn’t ‘take it back to the other side’. Then on to the bar and BALL OF SAND.
One more set of this shit ROW, ROPE?????, TIRE…then my man says, ‘I’m going to give you a choice between the TIRE and the BAR’. Well at this point I am thinking ‘TRIPLE FUCK this tire’, so I am currently pissed and ready for another round of throwing that bitch around and I choose the TIRE to take my anger out on. You ready for this? Wait for it…………….”I changed my mind get over there on that bar”. ????????? WHAT????????? I can’t imagine what the look on my face was but I will tell you that at that point in time I decided I was going to FIGHT that fucker (YES RONNIE). That’s right FIGHT HIS ASS….Except I only have about 20 seconds in me at this stage and from the looks of him I am going to need more time so this will have to wait. Finished the workout with out dying.
Day 8: TRICEPS DAY except I don’t have any fucking TRICEPS. This information doesn’t seem Pertinent to my man Ronnie cause ‘we goin’ to do it anyway’. Not a ton to report here other than I was GUN SHY from last week because I can’t seem to get it through his head that I actually NEED my damn arms to perform the simplest of tasks through out the day (you know holding the phone, driving, typing, wiping my ass etc). We did some pull downs, reverse curls, burn out (you start with a certain weight then go down one at the time increasing your reps until you finish), inside and outside curls, and holding a barbell behind your head lifting it straight up and down. Sounds easy enough however the first 35 pound weight I told him was too heavy and he said don’t tell me show me. FUCKER! I showed him and we went down 10 and had to go down more as it went on. On a side note I was in front of a mirror (this lifted my shirt up showing the bottom of my fat ass GUT, which by the way is in some of my wedding pics from me holding my arms up in excitement) which pissed me off more and kept me motivated. We also did some single arm over the head triceps routine that I could only use a 5 lb weight but Ronnie said it doesn’t matter how heavy just that you are doing them.Oh and Ronnie accused me of Sandbagging a couple of times but I looked at it as GUN SHY LOL. I was concerned about the week before.
So as you can see day 8 didn’t seem so bad just had my arms screaming a bit. EXCEPT…………No you didn’t guess it this time………My STUPID ass looked at him at the end and said “how bout some crunches”? I have NO FUCKING idea what just came out of my mouth at the time. In fact I know I looked as confused as Ronnie did when I said it. What the FUCK was I thinking? Can I take it back? Maybe he didn’t hear me? Well as you can imagine this fucker who is enjoying my slow death had a look like a damn 5 year old at Christmas. Hopped my DUMB ass up on a piece of equipment and said go. well I am feeling pretty good about myself for a bit (yea you all know what the fuck that means Ronnie sees that too and that is a no no) eyes closed, grUNTING, WORKING, DIIIIGGGGINNNG, and THEEEEEEEENNNNNN…………THEEEENNNN…….Ronnie throws a Fucking 14 lb ball full of SAND at me, Yes let me say that ONE MORE TIME, Ronnie Throws a 14 lb ball full of SAND at my ass and says, “when you come up I want you to throw that ball against the wall and bounce it back to you and catch it”. I mean is this FUCKER INSANE??? I don’t even understand what the Fuck is going on here?? I said ‘how bout some crunches’ and I am MORE THAN CONFIDENT not a damn mention about a ball of sand EVER came the fuck out of my mouth. NOT ONCE I TELL YOU. NOT ONCE!!!! The first throw was shameful at best as I almost broke my damn back trying to reach out and catch that fucking thing as it seemed to just want to roll down the wall to the floor only to have RONNIE pick it up and toss it back at me with a ‘COME ON’. I have absolutely no idea how many I was able to not do I really even want to know, but it was more than ONE and I guess that is his point that is better than the day before.
So as you can see Ronnie is not going to let me get comfortable. No way. But that is what this whole journey is all about. I have been comfortable for years (well actually there is nothing comfortable about not liking the way you look and feel) and it is time to get out of my comfort zone and GET TO WORK. As much as I want to kick his ass while he is putting the shit on me I appreciate having him work me so hard. There are already results guys, in just one week and though they are not monumental I can feel them so if you are looking to get up off that damn couch or chair I hope this gives you some motivation.
Until Next time, Here’s to a new beginning. and remember JUST SHOW UP
Food was about the same as I have not really gotten creative yet. Also I have given up ANY ALCOHOL during the week. Which BTW is a bitch within itself. Some days I need a damn drink let me tell you but I have to give up something to gain something else.