I am posting so soon because I hit a major milestone today. 30 lbs lost off my fat ass. 30 fucking lbs!!!! I am a little over 2 lbs over what I was when I met my lovely wife Jules. That is some big shit guys and I mean some big shit. We all know what kind of working out I have been doing but I feel like I need to talk a bit about what really has me losing weight like this. Of course getting my ass beat every day by Ol’ One More has def had a part in what I needed to do but its what i do outside of the gym on a daily basis that really counts. I have had to make some damn tough decisions and sacrifices but you can’t keep doing the same thing every day and expect different results unless Insanity is your middle name.
First thing I had to get control of was the fucking booze. It is not as if I am some kind of an Alcoholic (and yes I am aware that every alcoholic says the same shit) as I may have some one night during the week and two nights on the weekend. The problem was more about what I was drinking. I would have a few beers (or many) and then jump into those fruity drinks that my friends from wales call Bitch Pisses or for all my fellow Bitch Piss drinkers they are better known as BPs. They had 222 calories per and I would drop 15 in a long day at the lake. Yea the math is correct 15 X 222 = 3330 calories. Now remember I would have had about 5 to 7 beers as well so I was getting up there around 4000 fucking calories in pure liquid not to mention what the hell ever I was eating for a day. Add in the summer and all the food that comes with it and you get a FAT FUCKING ASS!!
SO you have a fat fuck, with a bad back, bad knee, high cholesterol, who couldn’t walk around and talk on the phone without getting winded that has two beautiful daughters, and wonderful wife, and employees that are counting on me to stick around. One would think that would be enough to whip my ass into shape and get me to change my life style but hell no I still found reasons to keep on keeping on until:
Yep that big ass gut and terrible posture is how everyone sees me. We all know we can turn certain ways in the mirror to keep from knowing how bad we really look to other people so seeing some shit like this is depressing to say the least. But this wasn’t the kicker. I went out on my friends boat to go skiing and couldn’t get my fat ass out of the water. Since I began skiing this NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE IN MY LIFE! It was so bad that we went back and got my boat and…….YEP still couldn’t get my fat ass out of the water. ON TWO SKIS. I mean muscles hurt on me that I didn’t even know existed. One of my friends said’it’s ok man you just need a boat with a bigger motor’. What the fuck kind of shit is that. #MURICA. I said ‘look man it is one thing to buy a bigger size shirt or pair of jeans but I am drawing the FUCKING line on a 60,000 boat’. My boat had pulled my ass out of the water for 10 years or so and I figured my fat ass could lose some weight a bit cheaper than a brand new boat. My hope is I can get Ol’ One More out there next spring when I take my boat out and go skiing.
Well I quit drinking during the week as a sacrifice and man not having the ability to be spontaneous and just have some brews with a friend has been a bitch let me tell you. But it was something I had to give up at least for a while. The other thing I did was started drinking Vodka and Tonic and staying away from BPs and high calorie beer. Not having so much sugar has helped with hangovers as well. Plus I think having so much ice with my drinks keeps some water in me.
Now to the food. It’s pretty fucking simple. EAT REAL FOOD!! And don’t eat like a damn pig. Get what you need and move on. Don’t deprive yourself of everything but listen pasta is fucked up. All kinds of bread is not that good for you. NO FRIEND CHICKEN isn’t healthy. I haven’t eaten a damn french fry since I began this shit. My point here is you all know what the fuck you should be eating but I can’t tell you how many times I have heard ‘I can’t give up my BLANK” and I just say ‘then stay fat’. Chips are not good people. eat some damn carrot chips and humas instead of Lays and French Onion dip. I had someone tell me I shouldn’t eat fruit because of all the sugar in them. Well I have lost 30 fucking pounds eating fruit so I am going to stick to my plan. You see there is sugar in fruit but fruit is real fucking food and your body knows what to do with it. You body don’t know what in the hell to do with doritos Just sayin. Also keep your body fed and burning. We can’t seem to understand that our body doesn’t know that we actually have refrigerators. What I mean is that our body thinks we need to store, store, store fat for energy. So when we are eating we are actually full long before we think we are. And if we only eat one or two meals a day our body is going to shut down burning the calories and begin storing fat. Eat breakfast, a snack, then lunch, a snack, then dinner and maybe another snack but fucking healthy ones and if you can’t figure out what is healthy GOOGLE IT. A few times a week I will substitute a meal with an ADVOCARE shake full of vitamins and protein with very few calories. I also drink ADVOCARE Spark and take the coreplex multi-vitamin. I also take Catalyst to promote muscle tone. Sometimes at night I will eat a Recovery pill to help my muscles recover.
Eat fucking REAL food, don’t drink too much calorie infused alcohol BPs, and get some damn exercise. It really is pretty fucking easy folks because you just have to Show Up and don’t quit on yourself. And since I am watching a bojangles commercial I will say a country fried steak biscuit is probably not what you need to consider fucking REAL FOOD.
Here is to another new beginning and thanks for reading. We are over 12,000 hits and counting because of all you folks. it also seems that we have quite a few jumping on the train so let me know your story if you are.