Man what a damn week with Ol’ One More. I got the text Sunday evening ‘Hey do you want to work out at the house in the morning at 7″? Well I knew what the FUCK that meant. You see since we started in the new gym the one thing we don’t have room for is that fucking tire, and he just has not had the opportunity to wear my ass out in a while. So here it goes:
Of course the first thing I see is the torture table. I am telling you this man is a mind fuck master.
Started with this little Gem. Hold it up to my chest and then squat down until you ass touches the bench. Ad let me tell you your ass better touch that bench. I think this lasted at least 1 min but we all know how Ol’ One More’s clock runs I’m just not in the position to call him a liar at the moment since he controls my pain on the daily. NEXT:
So we all know what that long brown son of a bitch is but what are those two fucking grey flying saucer looking bitches sitting there you may ask. Well they are classic ONE MORE bullshit. Apparently I was supposed to STAND on them while I flung that fucking rope around, and WAIT FOR IT…………squat my happy ass down while flinging said fucking rope. Yea that’s right more squats. Here is the problem. Those grey bastards are SQUISHY because they only have a little air in them so the whole time I feel like my legs and ankles and knees are going to give out on my ass as my entire lower body is STRUGGLING to hold on to any hope of balance. You see Ol’ One More doesn’t believe in a fucking exercise that doesn’t in some way encounter your CORE. I may still be a fat ass but I have abs of steel under here as compared. You talk about crying like a baby. JESUS I was huffing and puffing and STRAINING and cussing like none of you have heard before. I am sure he gets an ear full from his neighbors after my broken down ass leaves because we all know I can curse with the best of them. I have offended sailors in my lifetime just saying. So after almost falling over and cracking bones such as my skull it was time for:
It turns out him and his WIFE made this fucking shit up. I guess they had to do something similar to this in a race so he feels like I must be punished as well. IT doesn’t seem like a lot but picking up this shit and trying to hold it over my head while walking as fast as I can to the end of the driveway and back ANNNNNND keeping the damn thing from flopping around so much is knocks my ass down is RIDICULOUS!! Can we say the magic word CORE again?? not only are my shoulders coming out of their sockets I have stomach lining bursting through muscle for apparent hernias. And then comes the REAL FUN:
FUCK THIS TIRE. He first wanted me to FLIP it all the way to the end of his driveway and then run back and do something, BUUUUTTT once I FINALLY got to the end (which is by far and away the longest I had ever flipped this bitch) I had to step my happy ass up inside it, reach down with my hands going outward and LIIIIIIIFFFFFTTTTT this mother fucker up and walk it back. I think he just likes to see how far he can push me without killing my ass but he is riding that FINE line let me tell you. Three sets of this murderous workout and it was finally over just like I felt my life was.
Tuesday was leg day and nothing really new to report there on what leg day is but every fucking day with Ol’ One More is LEG day because I do more squatting in this 80 some odd days then I think I did in my 48 years of sitting on the damn toilet. Remember we have been taking Wednesdays off to try and get my body to do some healing.
Then came THURSDAY. I thought it was going to be a weight day of some sort but it turned out to be another circuit day. Started with the fucking ROW machine. One of the guys that works out every day at the same time came to me to let me know that he actually tried it finally and how much it kicked his ass. I said ‘I tried to tell you’. Initially he thought he wouldn’t be able to do “10” min on there. I told him quickly ‘I know your ass can’t do 10″. Well he said he bout passed out at 3 especially with the way Ol’ One More was pushing him.
From the row machine I went over to that little ass “Wheel” for my abs but THIS TIME Ol’ One More in true One More fashion said I had to roll out as far as I could go and then HOLD IT!! Yea FUCKING HOLD IT!! I mean who does this shit to people. I think this man could very well have a serial killer mind and this is how he keeps his urges at bay. From there was the Jump rope. Well you all know how I feel about the Jump rope. YEP FUCK THE JUMP ROPE. Hell Fuck Rope of any kind for that matter as it pertains to the gym. Then I had to press 85-90 pounds over my head and hold for a minute or dare I say an ‘Ol’ One More’ minute which we all understand. Then for some reason he made me reach up and grab a bar and just HANG. I mean Hanging? right not such a big deal. I thought what the hell I will get a breather. FUCK THAT my hands and forearms and shoulders were ON FUCKING FIRE. After doing that bullshit exercise I was certain a damn Monkey could KICK YOUR ASS. That shit was brutal. Then Back on the row machine
After a couple of those circuits he decided to change up a couple of things in the middle. Had to hold up a kettle bell while kneeling with each arm for some core strength then he took away the weights and made me do SAND BALL slams (you guys all understand the whole SAND BALL don’t bounce shit right) over to SAND BALL wall bounce throws with…………wait for it……..SQUATTING added. Leg muscles burning like liquid lava straight out of a fucking volcano. So this workout ended up damn near killing me when at first glance didn’t seem so bad. But we don’t worry cause Ol’ One More always has some silly ass shit up his sleeve.
TODAY was FUCK AB DAY. Sit ups with that fucking sand ball that had to be thrown up against the wall and caught with each sit up. Then I had to hang from a fucking bar again and squeeze another SAND BALL between my legs and lift up for three reps of 10 or 12 depending on who is counting. This whole hanging shit is for the birds and I am not sure why this is all of a sudden in my repertoire but it seems he wants my fucking arms ripped out of socket now. The rest of the work out was a vicious cycle of laying flat and holding a….yep you guessed it…..fucking SAND BALL up while my legs are 6 inches off the ground, to scissors, to holding my legs high and then dropping them one step at a time for I have NO IDEA how many fucking minutes. Two girls were walking by as Ronnie said ‘I think I am starting to feel it’ to which I replied “every fucking body in here is feeling it”, to which the ladies replied “you got that right”. By the time I was ALLOWED to roll over and breath I told Ronnie I was pretty damn sure there were fucking DEAD people watching me and thinking ‘damn I am glad to be dead right now’.
In the end WHAT a great week of working out. I am beginning to get used to this whole getting my ass kicked deal. I am still in a good deal of pain. The elbow has not eased up. My right foot at my heal, ball, and arch has been in a damn good bit of pain for a while but reaching a max out last night. The back finally eased up after a month so that is a good thing. As I stated in an earlier post I am down 30 lbs which is an amazing feat. EVERYONE is noticing how much I have lost and how much better I am looking. One friend told me the color of my skin is much better. I feel great other than the few aches and pains that comes with the territory. I am sleeping much better which is one of the things that was KILLING my ass. waking up 3-5 times a night now maybe once at the most. My energy level is high and I am getting shit done both at home and in the business. I am walking the dog at least 2 miles a day and am in no way getting winded. Man I am telling you this is the way to live if you are going to. It is tough as you well know from these posts but it is what I truly believe will extend my life.
It is great walking in the gym and having someone tell you that you are the strongest guy they know. Especially when you see the shear strength of the guys in there. He works out with Ronnie as well and has seen what I get put through so at least I know other people are noticing how hard I am working. I have people in the gym coming up and saying ‘damn man you are trimming up’. And the new cats see me walk in and they just look at me and smile and nod. I think I am giving everyone some inspiration watching me get my ass kicked on the daily and it does my heart good. Remember guys there is only ONE way to begin YOUR journey to Health and that is to JUST SHOW UP.
Here is to another new beginning.