My fucking legs HURT!!!!!! Let me tell you after working out damn near 3 months ONE would THINK that ONE would be used to this shit but I am hear to tell you Ol’ One More finds a way to to earn his damn nick name every day. We are in the Month of Hunting season for Ol’ One More so he was only going to be here two days this week. I decided to take Monday off for some needed body rest, do Yoga on Tuesday, Work out with Ronnie Wed and Thurs then do some cardio by myself on Friday. For some reason Ol’ fuck head decided to PUNISH me because HIS ASS WENT HUNTING. I told a friend this morning about my work out on Wednesday and he said ‘this guys must be an ass’. LOL I said ‘you should have heard the things running through my head during the work out. SO here we go peeps:
Let’s begin with me stating I am down a solid 32 Lbs. I am now at the weight I was when I met Julie. Part of this shit is about having a hot ass wife that is 10 years younger than me that makes me look like a damn stud when we go out. Unfortunately before this my fat ass sure wasn’t making her look good if you know what I mean.
Tuesday went to Yoga where Ol’ Stacie “Hamstring killer” was teaching the class. I was doing Yoga a good bit last winter but allowed my life to get in the way. Let me say Yoga is simply fantastic for the mind, body and the soul. If you are working out as hard as I am you need to get the stretching in for the pliability of your muscles. But don’t let those funny looking poses full your ass it is one hell of a workout. And the people that do it all the time could more than like KICK YOUR ASS. One good thing I noticed is that by working out and strengthening my core I was able to get in and out of my poses which much more ease because Yoga is constantly working your core. There is a pose called ‘happy baby’ and let me tell you when you are a fat ass there is nothing fucking Happy about it. In fact it sucks and everyone in the room could hear me grunting in despair when they would call that shit out. Going into my warrior poses and Downward dog was not as hard as it used to be either. It was a great session to clear my mind and at the end I was SNORING in my Savasana pose. If you don’t know what it is look it up. I think I embarrassed Julie as she had to shake me to wake me up and people were actually laughing. FUCK IT apparently I needed it and was thankful to have been able to get a little shut eye.
Wednesday Ol’ One More decided I was to be punished because he wasn’t there On Monday or Tuesday I guess. First thing he did was put a Vest on my ass that weighed over 30 fucking pounds. I am about done with these fucking vests let me tell you THEY SUCK! Fist exercise was the Fucking BATTLE ROPE (yea you know the one) while squatting WITH THIS FUCKING VEST ON. Then quickly over to 75 pounds of barbell that I have to hold onto my chest and do MORE FUCKING SQUATS (don’t forget about the vest), then quickly over to a step up box, that felt like it was as tall as my fucking shoulders, where I had to hold a damn Kettle Bell above my head and step up with my right leg and down then up with my left leg then down until he told me to stop (PLEEEASE keep that fucking vest in mind), then quickly over to the sand ball where I had to SQUAT (while wearing that fucking vest) and lift up and throw that ball against the wall and catch it and squat and throw it until he said stop. OK that sounds like e-fucking-nough right? OH HELL NO not with Ol’ One More, he has that little ass fucking wheel that I have to use to make sure I get some AB work in (while wearing that fucking vest), then quickly over to another 55 lb barbell that I have to lift off the fucking floor and hold on my chest, back up to the wall and FUCKING SQUAT and HOLD (yea don’t forget the vest) until he tell me to stop. I mean what in the fucking hell did I do to deserve this shit?? My fucking legs start shaking “THE WALLS START SHAKING THE EARTH STARTS QUAKING MY MIND WAS ACHING” and I’m not faking, I was literally SQUALLING and HOLLERING trying to find a “happy place” as Ronnie tells me, until he says stop. Well at this point I am pretty sure your fucking legs are hurting just reading this shit but guess what????????? YEA He Ain’t done yet. I have to get up on two stepping blocks and grab another Kettle bell and hold it waist high and fucking do……….SQUAAAAATTTTTTS (annnnnndddd the vest is still on). I mean Jesus at this point we are in PURE TORTURE mode. People in the fucking Gym are literally feeling sorry for me. I can see the looks on their faces as their eyes glance over to see what the fuck I am doing, and you can damn sure believe they didn’t look long because I know I was looking rough. I mean my fucking eyes and teeth were about to pop out of my head on the first work out. Shit was bad man and I had to do TWO FULL rounds of that shit then on the THIRD he took out a couple of things and added a couple more fucking things then he FINALLY took that bullshit vest off and let me STOP. Later in the day I was having a hard time climbing fucking steps and do the little shit you know like, GET OUT OF A CAR. Fuck it was a bitch of a day and it got worse as the time went by.
Thursday was chest and back day which was a bitch and today I went in by myself and did the row machine, 200 step overs, and more row machine for a full cardio work out. I am fucking shot guys. This was supposed to be a week with a day off but hell it was one of the hardest yet. In the end though guys it is STILL one of the best things I have ever done. I want you all to know how fucking hard this shit is but that you can do it if you set your mind to it. One of my friends told me “you are just fucking stubborn enough to keep this shit up” LOL. I never really thought of it that way. I thought I was just kicking ass however it turns our I am just a STUBBORN OLD BASTARD just like my Grandfather and my Father. Well at least I can find some good about of being a Stubborn bitch.
Like I said earlier, down 32 lbs, energy thorough the rough, have not been sick all year, and most importantly Helping my hot ass wife not look so stupid for being seen with me. Here is to another new beginning people and remember (not the vest this time) JUST SHOW UP!!