Well it has been a good while since my last post. Me and my man Ronnie are still at it.
Friday was what Randy Called “Happy Friday”. Well my version of happy Friday involves things like sand, beer, boats, beer, ribs, beer, warm sun, beer, friends getting together to drink beer, kids bringing you beer from the cooler or fridge, buying beer at the grocery store, having a beer by the pool, oh and did I mention Beer? It seems none of these things are on Ronnie’s fucking list of happy Friday. That fucker, the rowing machine is part of his list, along with two round weights, along with some heavy ass Bell looking weight, a tiny ass “WHEEL WITH HANDLES”, and wait for it…………… a JUMP ROPE!! Yep you heard me correct a fucking JUMP ROPE!! Here is some advice DON’T EVER LET YOUR TRAINER KNOW YOU CAN JUMP ROPE!!! EVER!!!
We all know how I feel about that fucker the Rowing Machine that Ronnie keeps swearing will be my friend. Lets just say we are not one step closer to being pals. In fact I hope to purchase one some day so I can film myself destroying it and send it to my man Ronnie. The two round weights were to hold one out and steer it back and forth like a damn steering wheel until Ronnie says ENOUGH. Apparently he has read this damn Blog and has an idea of my issues with Noodle arms and Driving home. (Remember the plot I think he and Jules have going on? Now I believe he is taking it to the streets for me to crash on the way home). The other was just to lift over my head until I actually can’t hold it anymore and it falls out of my hands and crushes my skull. Ok that is a little drastic but I am concerned for my life at times so this is the shit that goes through my head. What about the bell weight? Well it is meant for me to pick up over my head with ONE arm, yea I said ONE arm and walk around the gym. Then do it again. Well Ronnie failed to mention I needed to switch arms so I took off my second time with the same arm GRUNTING AND SCREAMING like a crazed fool only to have the few hot chics in there look at me like I was fucking CRAZY or not quite the man I should be. The two dudes staring at each other trying not to fall out laughing didn’t help much either.
Now on to the good stuff. That “LITTLE” harmless wheel which is straight from hell itself brought here to rip my core in half so that my heart, blood, intestines and soul can leak down to the depths of hell for their eating and drinking pleasure. I had to get on my knees and grab the handles on both sides and roll that son of a bitch out until I couldn’t go any farther and roll it right back up…….ANNNNNND………REPEAT over and over again. All the Hell Demons kept showing up laughing at my cries and pleas for help (Ronnie nor anyone else could understand me because anything that came out of my mouth at this point sounded like Kane from the chestburster scene in Alien) while they awaited my core ripping in half. In all seriousness this exercise is one that I used to watch my dad and a few of his friends do as a bet to see who could go down the farthest and then rise back up. It works muscles in your body you didn’t think you had that is for sure.
Oh I almost forgot that fucking JUMP ROPE. Apparently Ronnie didn’t know I could do it and I am PISSED that I showed him I could. I now know why Boxers do this fucked up work out because if you can last long enough with one of those bitches Running out of steam in a fight is simply not in the cards. Maybe Conner McGregor should have spent more time on there. Its bad enough trying to flip that fucker around your body in time with your feet coming off the ground, but to have your fat ass gut and Chest flopping to its own rhythm only to work against you (not to mention feel like they are going to tear the skin straight off your body) is a nightmare that no one wants to imagine. Let’s just say it’s not a pretty sight. Trying to do this for one minute is pure torturous HELL that really makes you feel like a punk ass thinking of the COUNTLESS little girls you see doing this for what seems like DAYS at a time.
We finally ended my torture and my man Ronnie said again I was impressive. Crazy shit because I feel like a little tiny whinny wuss but I will get to that later.
As a positive I had lost 8 pounds to this point.
Days 10, 11, and 12: VACATION FUCKERS. Yea that’s right VACATION. LABOR DAY BITCHES! That means NO LABOR! And believe me those workouts are LABOR at it’s finest. Still ate real good and kept up with the vodka Tonic and Lite Beer so when I got home I maintained my weight.
Tuesday day 13. Ronnie is ready for my ass to see how I did over the weekend. I told him fine and I maintained my weight but he HAD to keep digging only to have me confess I ate Two pieces of pizza. TWO!!! That’s right only FUCKING TWO the whole weekend. I saw that as a VICTORY but OH HELL NO……….you guessed it………..NOT RONNIE. He decides we were going to RUN OFF that pizza. It was supposed to be a weight lifting day but here we go out into the street to run. Not to mention almost getting RUN OVER by some cars. Oh and he is running with my ass telling me it’s my fault he has to get his old ass out there with me. He says if he thinks I am going strong we may just run farther than he first wanted to (I reminded him of my bad back and he of course backed back down to only a small run).
Today was chest and shoulder day. IT SUCKED guys. I mean I couldn’t do shit. I was GRUNNNTTTING, STRAINNNING, SCREEAMMMING, YEEEELLLING, PUUUUUUSSSSHING, to no avail. I couldn’t believe how weak I was. In fact with all that Pushing, and Grunting I thought it possible to shit myself or at least piss all over myself. In the mean time Ronnie’s Favorite saying for the day was “It’s that PIZZA” and I am like “NO IT’S FUCKING NOT RONNIE”. Shit has nothing to do with my week ass. I did learn a lesson here. Don’t tell your trainer you ate some Fucking pizza. Apparently that shit will make your muscles retract and simply not work.
Nothing really new on this workout but I found it to be one of the set backs people said I would encounter. I felt defeated and ashamed but I wanted to talk a bit about WHY Ronnie says I have impressed him because I have asked him multiple time. It is because I DON’T QUIT and I DON’T SAY I CAN’T. I give it a try and I keep going until he says ENOUGH. It seems he has some pretty young people that he works with that will tap that wall and quit. It’s not in me to do it and it shouldn’t be in you either. We all know all the Cliches’ regarding this but I wanted to share what my Father always said to me when I would say I can’t or try and quite. “I CAN’T NEVER DID A DAMN THING SON”. If you begin with I CAN’T then there is no FUCKING way you will do it. Ronnie says just give it a try and if it is only ONE then it is ONE more than you did yesterday. Keep Pushing guys. Keep going out of your comfort zone. Keep trying new things, and NEVER QUIT There is no way to being great except by doing these things. But most of all JUST SHOW UP!
Thanks for reading and Here is to ANOTHER new beginning. See you next time and Ronnie I will see you again tomorrow.
Food Pretty much the same. REAL (I know except the fucking pizza I ate) Food is what you need.